Shattered Illusions

My wife makes a mean Mongolian Beef dish, and it so happens that she was whipping up some of her Mongolian Beef magic when we had a pair of sister missionaries over for dinner (and I don't mean that in a cannibalistic sense).

Coincidentally, one of these sister missionaries was from the far flung land of Mongolia. I couldn't resist asking her if she was familiar with the dish.

She was very emphatic that she had never tasted anything like it in her homeland. This left two possibilities 1) either I needed to readjust my world vision to accept the idea that Mongolian Beef really has nothing to do with Mongolia or 2) That sister missionary was an imposter.

After much consideration I was about to sensibly settle on the second option, but I told this story to an acquaintance to ask her opinion and she informed me of a friend of hers who was also from Mongolia. It seems this friend was at a Chinese Restaurant and was curious enough about the Mongolian Beef to order it. After it came she immediately jumped to her feet and began chewing out the waitress for daring to malign her country by serving such a dish.

Fortunately, the sister missionary who visited our house was very polite about our slight on her country's culinary prowess. She ate every single bite and even thanked us for it. Though my illusions have been shattered and it turns out that all this time I've been eating faux Mongolian Beef...I've discovered that I don't care if it's real or fake--I still love eating it.

The next thing you know, I'll discover that French Fries aren't really French.

Martian Audio

I have no copyright on Mars-related fiction and Joshua Reynolds has turned out a great story entitled The Strange Affair of the Martian Engine. This story features the lovely, ubiquitous, daring and sometimes morally ambiguous Countess Felluci. Yes, the same Countess Felluci that appeared in Josh's The Strange Affair of the Artisan's Heart.

It so happens that Rachel Beveridge of Cossmass Productions has done a reading of The Strange Affair of the Martian Engine and it makes for great listening. So if you've got a high speed connection and a few moments head over to Cossmass Productions and start downloading. It's free!

Dire Planet Compendium: Farona's Girth

"Farona's Girth"- Farona is a legendary Muvari warrior of both incredible battle prowess and incredible girth and over the centuries the term "Farona's Girth" has fallen into common Muvari usage as a mild epithet or exclamation. There are historical incidents of serious oaths that have been sworn "By Farona's Girth", most notably Elri Shancumar who swore by "Farona's Girth" that she would not lie again with her husband until a looting band of exiles was driven from the land. Elri's husband took this oath so seriously that, in violation of Muvari custom, he strapped on a sword blade and single-handedly routed the exile bandits.

Farona is one of the trio of warriors-- that included Thavunye of the Spear from the Rathuri Tribe and Ardahla of the Munothi Tribe-- who fought valiantly against overwhelming odds beneath the shadow of Golem Rock and drove back the Brecknar armies who had formed a league with the spiderous sinthral.

Some legends say that three warriors swore a pact that united their tribes for all time but the symbol of this pact has been lost and the oath largely forgotten--each of the tribes becoming independent and isolated from each other.

Copyright 2010 by Joel Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.

The Winner is...

Take a gander at Jair Trevino's newly-revised version of The Blood Vault artwork that will be appearing on the Blood Vault chapbook which will be released this coming May. This chapbook will contain the complete short story, The Blood Vault, and various samples of other released and soon to be released novels.

Thanks to all who made name suggestions for my new blog feature which will feature footnote-style entries relating to the denizens, people, customs, culture, and etymology of the Dire Planet. There were some great sounding suggestions like Dire Planetology, and Dire Planetarium that I didn't go with because the meanings weren't quite right. However, I've settled on The Dire Planet Compendium which Triton suggested. Somehow, it seems appropriate that someone named after a planetary body made the winning suggestion.

Noel Tuazon has sent me some wonderful artwork, so I'll post the first installment of The Dire Planet Compendium later this week.

Hunter and Triton, I do appreciate your participation in my impromptu contest. Shoot me an email, that contains your mailing address, at Joel dot Jenkins at Gmail dot com and once The Blood Vault chapbook is released I'll mail each of you a signed copy.

New Blog Feature

I've decided to introduce a new regular feature to the Vaults of Caladrex. For the rest of this year I'm aiming for a weekly feature (more or less) that will be an entry (illustrated by no less than the talented Noel Tuazon) on the denizens, people, and etymology of Mars, also known as the Dire Planet.

Those who have read Exiles of the Dire Planet and Into the Dire Planet will have noticed a number of footnotes detailing certain customs, legends, phrase origins, and practices of the people of the Dire Planet. In this new feature I will be adding and expounding upon those footnotes.

However, I've yet to come up with a name for this new blog feature and I'm looking for some suggestions. Encyclopedia of the Dire Planet doesn't quite have the right ring to it, and Dictionary of the Dire Planet, though it's a great alliteration, doesn't quite do it for me either. Bestiary of the Dire Planet sounds great but the beasties of Mars are only going to be a small portion of the entries--so it's not quite accurate.

Anybody who makes a suggestion that I decide to use gets a free copy of the upcoming chapbook release of The Blood Vault, which will be released Mother's Day weekend at the Toronto Comic Arts Festival. After all, when one thinks of Mother's Day one thinks of vampires-right? No? At any rate, I'll be posting more about The Blood Vault chapbook in later blog postings. Make some suggestions!

The West Gets Weird

Here's the latest press release from Pulpwork Press. You may note that How the West was Weird contains a story by me. In Wyrm Over Diablo a secret organization conspires to build railroad tracks along mystical ley lines, so to draw the energy into one position and release a horror from its prison in outer darkness. Once again, Lone Crow, on loan to Miskatonic University for occult investigations, and a gunslinger of some renown, finds himself in the middle of trouble--but on to the press release!

On March 1, the history books get a lot more interesting...

Aztec vampires gorge themselves on a small Mexican village. A masked hero of the 1940s stumbles onto a town that time forgot. A gunslinging exorcist works to save a boy from demonic possession. These are the stories of the American West your history teacher never told you about... because she was scared!

Edited by Russ Anderson and published by Pulpwork Press (www.pulpworkpress.com), HOW THE WEST WAS WEIRD is an anthology featuring nine original, genre-mashing stories of cowboys, Indians, aliens, exorcists, and tentacled horrors from other worlds... all wrapped in an original cover by Jim Rugg (STREET ANGEL, AFRODISIAC).

Those stories? Glad you asked, pardner.

Camazotz, by Josh Reynolds (available as a free preview at the Pulpwork Press website)
Wyrm Over Diablo, by Joel Jenkins
Space Miners, by Ian Taylor
Don Cuevo's Curative, by Thomas Deja
The Town With No Name, by Mike McGee and Chris Munn
Sins of the Past, by Barry Reese
You Need to Know What's Coming, by Ian Mileham
Of All the Plagues a Lover Bears, by Derrick Ferguson
Out South of Borachon Creek, by Bill Kte'pi

Cover price is $11.95 - that's peanuts for this kind of entertainin'.

HOW THE WEST WAS WEIRD will be available for order on Pulpwork and Amazon on March 1. But if you'd like to get a jump on everyone else, it's available for pre-order right now on the Pulpwork Press website. Order before March 1 and get free shipping in the US!

The Golden Bell Tolls

In Derrick Ferguson's latest Dillon Novel, Dillon and the Legend of the Golden Bell, bad things happen when the Golden Bell tolls--bad, bad, bad things. In fact, it might mean the end of the world.

Speaking of which, we're reaching the end of the Dillon Blog Tour so take a few moments and check out what former Frontiersman Russ Anderson has to say about Dillon.